This is a watershed holiday for me personally: it is the first Mother's Day of my fifty-one years on this mortal coil without my biological mother living. She passed away six months ago (see this entry and this).
A subtly surreal experience. Due to deep, lifelong and progressive handicaps beyond her understanding, Johanna Lynn was never able to be a mother in any meaningful sense of the word. It has taken a long time, but I've largely made peace with the enigma of grieving something did I not have as a child.
My wife and I yesterday attended a memorial for a friend of her's, a man not yet 41 years old who recently lost a long battle with cancer, leaving behind a wife and infant daughter. What was striking at the service was how much joy and celebratory spirit abounded among the gathered; the man was clearly an exemplary example of loving-kindness and positive attitude. The healing power of love shone throughout the service, which I believe will be a source of strength and comfort to this man's window as she navigates this Mother's Day too.
I have also been blessed by the wonderful love of the woman whom I've called "Mom" for many years now, Joan Elizabeth. I was foisted upon her when I was quite a troubled fourteen (and she not yet thirty); we lived in a very small, quite remote mining town and my father was working in another State much of time. Over several decades a turbulent and challenging beginning evolved into a deeply mutually loving, compassionate, and respectful relationship which has been healing and ever increasingly precious to me as the years roll on.
Due to some baffling, frustrating and unfortunate circumstances I won't get to spend time with my Mom today as I'd hoped, but nonetheless my heart will be with her as well as my keen sense of gratitude for the wonderful mother she has been, and continues to be to me.
As this day unfolds I will strive to pass forward the love I've been given, to my wonderful wife Julianna, and to celebrate her amazing example of being a loving mother to my daughter Hannah Mae.
Mom, Julianna: -- Happy Mother's Day!
Mom, #8779
© 2010 James W. Murray, all rights reserved.
(click image for larger version)
Details: November16, 2009; Canon G2; f/2.5 @ 1/60 sec; -1/3 EV; ISO50; 18.8mm.
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